Can we do this? Can we make it for the next 30+ years – and still like each other and have fun together?
I have asked myself all of these questions over the last 12+ years of marriage and there have been times when I’ve thought
I don’t think I can do this anymore.
I had this thought a lot during our first year of marriage. Chris was 29 and up until then he had managed to dodge a serious relationship. So he didn’t come “house-broken.”
He wanted to do what he wanted to do. He didn’t understand that in relationships (like in life) you have to compromise and sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do. And of course, I wanted him to do quite a few things he didn’t want to.
I used to think these doubts meant we weren’t going to make it. Now I think it’s probably very common and it doesn’t mean anything. We all have insecurities about ourselves and about our relationships.
During that first year of marriage, I remember being on the fence about whether I wanted to stay married and I also remember making the decision to stay married and make it work. Chris probably didn’t realize how seriously I was considering calling it quits and I also didn’t share my decision to stay with him but what’s crazy is that shortly after I made that decision things got better!
What I didn’t realize at the time was how much my attitude (the negativity and indecisiveness I was feeling) affected our relationship.
A friend recently asked me how I started my company and I said,
I just decided to do it.
I think this same attitude that can apply to start-ups, can apply to relationships.
With that said, I don’t believe that in every relationship you should just “decide to stay.”
There are some situations that can’t be worked out. But 12+ years later we are a very happy couple with normal ups-and-downs and I try to remember that the occasional negative thought is normal and doesn’t define our future.